As much as we would like to forget it, we have all found ourselves lost. Whether it be in life, finding our purpose or not following directions, we’ve been there. Some of us more than others. (Raising my hand) The next step generally involves seeking answers to find our way out or back to where we came from. Am I right? If so, you’re not alone.
Finding our way through life is not easy. Daily we are met with others that are more successful, richer and happier than us. This leads to feelings of worthlessness, incompetence and a bad image of ourselves. Time and time again we are told to “start where you are”, “use what you have”, and from those who seem to have it all figured out. Discouraging, right? Easier said than done.
I am notorious for starting something and not finishing it. Projects, journals, notebooks, jobs, you name it, I’ve started it and quit. I am a self-proclaimed quitter or I was, I should say.
… and I am struggling if ya wanna know the truth but I pretend to have my shit together. Fake it til you make it? Well, that shit doesn’t work for me. Normally I would walk away unscathed but I refuse to and this is new to me. I have invested in myself.
No, I can’t focus, yes I’m a hot mess swinging my arms in a dark room, trying my hardest to find my way!
Having recently stumbled on what I believe to be my passion, many things stand in my way … testing me. I have reached out to others on social media who appear to be “celebrities” or professionals, only to not be responded to. The little voice in my head that tells me I can’t do something … is screaming. Self-doubt is ruling my days.
My passion may be one of two things and I feel it in my soul. It’s in my bones. I have a purpose and purpose requires work. I have physically worked my ass off my whole life as a bartender or server catering to the needs of others. I’m not afraid of work. I have anticipated strangers needs and remembered their faces. I am good at it… But I have also excelled at other things in life and abandoned them out of fear.
Fear of responsibility.
Fear of commitment.
A year ago I began something that I swore not to quit and I am still actively doing it today. What’s that you ask? Blogging. Unfortunately, this trend hasn’t made its way into every aspect of my life but I am working on it.
I don’t want fame or fortune. I would buckle from the attention. And this isn’t about what I want. This is about wanting something so badly and being challenged to quit. This is about being at the beginning stages of something.
Putting effort into something has never really been my gig. I’ve let things and people come and go in and out of my life and all the while I was disconnected. Now, something is breaking down my walls. I won’t let me walk away.
I am a confused, lost soul right now. Maybe I have always been and now I am finding my way. Who knows? But deep down I know I’m heading in the right direction, for the first time in my life and it’s as scary as hell.
As a blogger, we are to supposed to offer a solution to the reader’s problem. At this point in my life, I don’t have many solutions to offer but what I can offer is hope. Hope that one day it gets better… maybe not easier, but better. My message is for those who wander,
Keep fighting to make your way. Don’t quit.
and from someone who doesn’t have it figured out, start where you are, I am.